In my role as a boundary dispute attorney, I often had to help neighbors contend with betrayal.

And truth be known, I had to assist some to orchestrate betrayal as well.

Also, it’s the rare individual who hasn’t been disappointed in life by people that they trust.

But, neither of these arise to the subject that I’m going to explore this morning.

What’s ultimately debilitating is the intentional betrayal by someone you love and trust. When that happens its pure malevolence.

To prevent its occurrence “wise” people might seek to adhere by the ‘scripture of Michael (Corleone).’

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Yes, this is one way to approach it. But, the toll then is that one has very few if any intimate relationships.

What’s more when one takes on this frame of mind, it is likely that one will become the machiavel that readily betrays others.

And this might be the biggest point right here. As one betrays others, one is really betraying oneself.

At the end of one’s life arch, do you think that anyone is going to give a damn about your work contribution?

The answer is self-evidently not! Heck, we can barely remember even a sentence about a 1/2 dozen American presidents.

And as to the truly great contributors of our age such as Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk … their names will be remembered no more commonly than Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, and the Wright Brothers.

So make certain to not betray yourself by focusing solely on work to the exclusion of family and friends.

But, returning to the overall idea of what to about being betrayed oneself.

The first thing to ask is: Did my family member or friend intentionally seek to harm me?

If they did, as painful as it is to not only get out of the mess that they stuck you in, beyond that the loss of them as confidants, the best is to recognize that this is their issue, do your best to forgive them, but drop them like a bad habit.

If on the other hand, they did not intend to cause harm and they show nothing but contrition bordering on self-hatred for what they have done, seek again to forgive them and slowly rebuild the relationship.

Friends are easy to find. But, loyal friends not so much.

Note, that to find and ones that have mistakenly betrayed you can actually end up being even better friends after the harm has run its course.

One last thing to note too though, while you will never want to forget the betrayal, seek to remember the policy …

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

Don’t raise the issue with your friend or family member again. They likely already went through hell over their error and forcing both of you to relive it is going to help neither of you nor the relationship.

The bottom line: Forgive and assess whether or not the relationship is worth retaining. Try to take the long view in making your decision. And then commit fully to it.

 

What is the best way to pursue and achieve the life of your dreams?

It would seem that this would be rather obvious. Figure out what you want to achieve and then go out and do it. What’s the big whup?

Well, it is that simple. And yet unfortunately a lot if not most people don’t really do this.

Don’t believe me? Well, then ask yourself these questions.

  1. How many people graduate from high school and take the most convenient job available or go on to college because that is what’s expected of them?
  2. How many people if they chose to go on to college then come out and take almost any job that they can find?
  3. And if they still aren’t satisfied, how many people go on and get a law degree thinking that will help them figure it all out?

I think you get my point. Most people are job takers, not job makers.

Incredulously, I hear my audience – if that only be my inner critic – asking: “How can I be a job maker if I don’t have the resources to build my own business?”

And it is right here that we start to learn where the difference between success and failure lies. It’s there right at the very beginning.

Earl Nightingale – who was one of if not “the” founder of the personal development industry is well known to have defined success as “the progressive realization of a worthy goal.”

I’ve come to realize that without a goal not only is one a failure – for that period in which one is just drifting without one – one doesn’t have a  life of any meaning.

And I can attest from personal experience that a life of nihilism is worse than an unpleasant life – it can become an absolute hell!

That aside, I’ve also found that I seem to be constituted such that once I finally lock onto a goal, I will go at it with such a narrowly deterministic focus as to block out almost all other aspects of life.

Here, you can think how Robert Patrick portrayed T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgment Day. (See photo above).

Nothing, save complete destruction of self, was going to prevent achievement of a goal.

Now, this is a great way to achieve goals. I don’t think that this is the problem for most people.

This is because a lot of people give up before they achieve their goals, usually – though bad luck can sometimes put people too far off course – usually instead, they just weren’t sufficiently committed.

But, there is also a big problem that comes along with it beyond becoming very one-dimensional through goal pursuit.

The hazard that came to me was that upon achieving a goal, I always had that sense of “what’s next?”

And this wasn’t an airy fairy feeling by any means. No instead just a few days or at most weeks after achieving the goal, I would find myself in a state of depression. Yep, there is that nihilism again.

In fact, I did a pretty good job of finding something that indicates this and put it up at my boundary dispute blog post [HERE].

So, what’s the best way to prevent this from happening?

The best idea is to first focus on discovering purpose, then build an overarching vision, and then identify the first goal toward the attainment of that vision in allignment with purpose.

If you are interested in knowing more about how to do that, by all means check in with me and at no expense, I’ll help you unlock this blog post which addresses exactly this point [HERE].

Now, I don’t think that will be enough. And I know this because it wasn’t enough for me.

So, what I would recommend if you are still seeking to design your ideal life is to try out Dr. Jordan Peterson self authoring suite.

This is a program which costs no more than $30 and for those willing to invest the time will find that the value and understanding that it draws out from them is massive.

I’m close to finishing this program off, so next Monday I’ll give my review. And, I’m also committing to writing another post tomorrow. Hope you’ll take another look. Cheers!

 

Three and a half years ago, I set up this blog as the means of assisting boundary disputants and others to move beyond victimhood to become victors through personal development.

So, one would think that by now I would have hundreds of posts up and be far along on my mission of helping others to become their best selves, right? Wrong!

It’s been over 3 years since I got this blog up and running in even its present rudimentary state and I still haven’t made much traction. Why? What happened?

It might be easiest to throw out the trite saying: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” But, that again would be more talk and less action.

So, what does it take to not only get into action, but just as importantly to stay persistently and consistently in action in the days, weeks, months, years, and perhaps even decades to come?

Well, I think I have come across something here from my “Youtube Friend” Andrew Huberman, which can really help out.

Offering bona fides, it might be helpful to know that according to Dr. Huberman’s introduction squib: “Andrew Huberman is an American neuroscientist and associate professor in the Department of Neurobiology at the Stanford University School of Medicine who has made many contributions to the brain development, brain plasticity, and neural regeneration and repair fields.”

Ok, so that sounds to me like he has the ability to back up what he says with scientific evidence. As a skeptic of the herd mentality, that is a fact which is really important to me and hopefully you too.

In the video above, Huberman shares that while securing a great vision of your ideal future or accomplishing a great goal is a great idea for jumping into action initially, this strategy soon fades in its effectiveness.

Oh, so is that the reason why I didn’t keep up with the blog? True there are a number of people who have blogs and don’t do much with them, but there are some superstars who establish the habit of blogging every day.

What is it that they may have done differently? Here might be some great clues.

Dr. Huberman explains in the video above that often successful people will actually use their imagination of fear to keep them going.

It’s the fear of all the potential horrors of what will happen when we don’t follow through on our commitments that will often serve us to just get in there and do the damn thing.

Moreover, he indicates that by using fear, we start to imagine why travelling path A or path B will not serve to get us to our destination. And the result is that we stay on path.

But, what I find most intriguing was when he explained that our body is wired in such a way that we will exert far more energy to avoid something bad than to travel toward something good.

Right here two concepts pop into my mind which I feel compelled to share.

From my brokerage days I recall the mantra: ‘Upside pleasure is not nearly as great as downside pain.’

From the bible, Jesus is reported to have concluded his 40 day wilderness trial by telling the devil: ‘Get thee behind me.’

In other words, protect the downside and use fear as a motivator to move forward instead of as a blocker of progress.

So, how am I to use this for my own purposes of getting going regularly on this blogging project?

Well, it is pretty clear to me what fear that I can use at least initially. My fear is that I will just continue to spin my wheels and not make any real progress nor grow as a writer.

But, what does that really mean? Well, instead of having an absolute ton of materials and if not having already published a book or possibly even two. I don’t have much of anything tangible to show for the last several years.

What if I was struck down today? Would I have in place my best ideas if for nobody else but for my own children to live a better life and to not make many of that I have over the course of mine?

What’s so odd is that I really do love to write. I love it so much that like most writers, I write even though there is an incredibly high likelihood that my efforts won’t lead directly to bottom line improvement. Or do they?

Perhaps, it would be best to save the topic of exploring the ultimate bottom line for another day.

For now, I want to recommit to my writing. And to leverage the learning from the post above, I am going to create some fear by seeking to make an accountability partner of “the whole world.”

Shoot, that means I need to actually go ahead and post this at my LinkedIn profile and promise that I will get another post out tomorrow too. Ok, well that settles it then!

Expect a post from me on Monday too!

The Opportunity: Learn sales and become your best self with the largest privately owned company in the fitness industry – LA Fitness.

LA Fitness is opening its newest Washington gym in Seattle’s Roosevelt District. This is your chance to learn and earn fitness sales during the pre-sale, launch, and moonshot phases of this opening.

A base draw is assured as well as the opportunity to exceed it in commissions and bonuses for this full-time position with medical and vision benefits. More importantly, you will have high exposure for entry management opportunities in a which six-figure income is achievable.

About You: A high energy, fun loving people-person, your dream job is to get paid doing what you do best – meeting, mixing, and mingling with people as you sell them on yourself and the products and services you represent.

A competitive team player, you are coachable because you are hungry to win. Win more friends, influence, and of course money.

Application Details: Immediate placement opportunities are available! Send your resume to: Robert@JusticeSmiles.com.

Think about it, really think!

The pen is mightier than the sword.

What the heck does that mean?

The use comes from a higher level than the use of the sword.

Using the pen one usually taps into the reasoning mind, whereas use of the sword taps into the emotional mind.

With the reasoning mind we are able to think not just of our experience in the moment, but of the experience we want ahead.

With a pen we can quite literally divine our future.

Bob Proctor used to echo his mentor Earl Nightingale’s saying:

If you can tell me what you want, I can tell you how to get it.

Well, the way that you identify what it is that you want is by writing down some ideas.

What are the things that you want to do, be, have in your life? Write them down.

Then, pick one, only one, and concentrate on that.

Write that one idea down on a goal card and hold it loose in your pocket.

Every time you look at it, or even touch it, you will  think about your goal.

And it is thinking which causes feelings, which in turn causes actions, from which flows results.

It’s that simple.

Now, think about the sword.

What is the sword good for?

Destruction.

The sword is used at best for a projection of power to maintain current order.

But, the real purpose of the sword is to cut down one’s enemies.

And yet to the extent that you cut down anyone else, you cut down yourself.

True, you may not end a swordfight having been cut down yourself, but through the act of cutting down another, you diminish yourself.

Ever notice how people that fight are not really that creative?

It’s because they have locked themselves into fear and destruction.

The world is divided into two courses of action: Create or Disintegrate.

Using a pen to create is a much more powerful act than using a sword to destroy.

The paradox is that it takes a lot of time to create anything of lasting value, and it can take almost no time at all to destroy.

So, shouldn’t it be that the sword is the stronger of the two instruments? No.

Creation is a mighty act that takes much more focused energy.

By focusing the flow of a pen to form words which express to ourselves and others, we are engaging in the most difficult activity there is concentrated thought.

And with our concentrated though we have been able to design ships that cover land and ski.

Books which can transport us to different places, times, feelings, and understandings.

Mathematical computations which help us to better understand the world in which we live.

The pen is the instrument which opens all of this up to us.

The sword? It’s just an instrument of brute force.

Yes, it’s not always easy or fun to write, but if you were given the choice of only one of the two objects, which would you choose.

With the pen you can create anything, with the sword about the only thing you can create is chaos.

If you are a fearful person, the likelihood that you would pick the sword is much higher.

But if you realize that life is not worth living without access to knowledge, order, and creativity, then the pick should be simple.

Choose to pick up the pen. And write something with it.

We live in a part of the world where we have agreed that our right to express our ideas is to never be taken from us.

Yet the old adage is true: “Use it or lose it!”

Exercise your right to write! You will open up to yourself a powerful world of possibilities.

That’s the power of the pen.

 

Have you ever tried to rotate the position of a spinning gyroscope. It’s not as easy as expected.

What’s more the faster the gyroscope is spinning, the harder it is to change it’s “position or bearing.”

Now, for those of you who have studied personal development expert Earl Nightingale – whether directly or indirectly through his mentee, recently deceased Bob Proctor, you know that “position or bearing” is a term of art used in Nightingale’s definition of ATTITUDE.

Attitude is defined as the position or bearing as indication action, feeling, or mood.

Nightingale continues to explain:

And it is our action, feeling, or mood which determines the actions, feelings, or moods of others toward us. And which control to a surprising extent our success or failure.

Ok, so tenuously do you see that there seems to be some sort of connection between a gyroscope with it’s chief aspect of “rigidity in space” visa-a-vis its position or bearing and our interactions with others, and hence why I am posting this here in the category: “Love Others?”

No? Well, then stay with me!

Our lives and the personality which each of us present over the course of any one day of our lives can be likened to a full rotation of existence, right?

This is quite literal, because each day is quite literally a full rotation of the earth.

Each of us has no more and no less than that rotation to complete our intended activities before the commencement of a new rotation.

And again, what is it about a gyroscope which creates rigidity? Yes, the speed of rotation.

But it is the speed of rotation which generates this rigidity which with respect to a particular position or bearing which is hard to change.

Ok, great!

So now, think of those folks who with respect to their actions, feelings, or mood have a positive position or bearing which they rigidly hold as their attitude?

Well, according to Nightingale, this determines their success because their positive attitude determines the actions, feelings, or mood of others toward them.

Correlatively, someone with a bad attitude is going to create enmity, a situation of “misery enjoys company,” or both vis-à-vis others instead.

Speaking from painful experience, one if not the hardest things to do, is to change from a bad attitude to a positive one.

There are probably several reasons why, but some of the most prominent seem to be:

  1. It’s hard to identify our own attitude. This is because attitude is a gestalt of aggregate number of our actions, feelings, and moods.
  2. Our environment, particularly with respect to those with whom we are surrounded, significantly affects our attitude.
  3. Old habits quite simply die hard even when they are easily identified (which here again “rotating back” to the first point, they are uneasily identified).

Ok, so then do we just give up? If we have a bad attitude, does that mean we are now doomed to a failed fate?

No, intellectually, I would suggest identifying a recurring – i.e. repeated problem – and identify what typically happens in that situation.

Let’s say that it is that you get yelled at by the boss for being late each morning to work.

Well, then figure out what typically happens which causes you to be late.

As someone who continues to have this problem, I can tell you that though it helps somewhat, whether I wake up earlier or had packed my bag and put out the clothes the night before doesn’t make me on time.

Quite simply, I am programmed to be late.

There is something in my subconscious programming which has me habitually running late.

And this is the scariest thing, most people do not know how to reprogram themselves so as to replace poor habits with good ones.

The answer, unsurprisingly, is “spaced repetition” of a new an better idea which contradicts the former one.

Hmm? “Spaced repetition?” Again, that sounds a bit like the “over, and over, and over again” which is witnessed by a gyroscope?

And that is EXACTLY the point. Through our habits, those activities that we do repeatedly, and do so in our own specific ways, we define our respective attitudes.

So, with this in mind, what is it that you have to do to change your current rigidity in space with respect to your position or bearing?

First, slow down, but ideally not completely stop your rate of rotation, identify clearly the attitude you want to have and how you want to be, and then start up again “spinning” along that position or bearing.

Specifically, cultivate the habits that the positive person you want to be has and act on them now.

These habits will then work for you just as gyroscopes work to assist airplanes in their navigation as cybernetic devices to keep you on course to your destination.

Don’t worry if a lot of the friends and perhaps your family too aren’t going to be on board for the ride.

This is your life! All you have right now is the moment at hand, so live it to the fullest with a good attitude.

Make it a habit that is so strong that it becomes for you rigidity in space.

In that way, your success is preordained!

—

Have a great Saturday! Keep spinnin’ and grinnin’!

 

How do businesses make money? They create a product or service which they exchange with their clients for money.

And of course for any business that noticeably figures out a great formula to do this, there are going to be plenty of people who want to get in on the action.

The result is new entrants into the market seeking to duplicate their success. But why should a copycat operation have the success which resulted from the superior thoughts, feelings, and actions of the passionate business owner and the team he has assembled to generate such notable results.

At such times, it is certainly a great idea to scale. But, where is all the money going to come from. Answer: “Wherever it is right now.”

Money is always available for a good idea which along with proven execution can generate a higher yield.

And if money can be had for a certain percentage rate and safely generate a safe return exceeding normal profits as well as the cost of principle and interest, it makes complete sense to borrow to get further ahead of copycats and provide the business for valuable exchange oneself.

This is what most businesses do. But, where does it stop? Nobody has a fool proof crystal ball. So, how does a business know it is going to secure future profits?

It’s a fact that every investment prospectus always indicate:

PAST PERFORMANCE IS NO GUARNANTEE OF FUTURE RESULTS.

So, what is the restraint from taking on too much debt so as not to stall out on debt payments and effectively drawing out all the “water” from the “debt well.”

There is no bright letter rule, but there is a simple methodology which is used to give a perspective for making this decision.

It’s the “Leverage Ratio.”

The leverage ratio is simply the amount of total debt divided by the amount of total equity.

Any company which has total equity which exceeds total equity has a leverage ratio which is less than 1.

This means that if they couldn’t otherwise service their debt, they would be able to convert their equity in part or in worse case in whole to pay off creditors.

Any company which has total debt exceeding total equity has a leverage ratio which is greater than 1.

This means that if the company lost its footing and couldn’t keep growing so as to cover its debt, it would not be able to cover its debt.

Ok, so this being the case how far do companies push their leverage ratio.

My understanding is that this is an industry specific question.

That said, most often companies don’t get much further “out beyond their skis” than a leverage ratio of 2.

In this case, theoretically if the company went belly up, creditors would get a return of 50 cents on each dollar of investment.

Now, here’s the interesting thing. Remember that not long ago I wrote a blog called Savings-to-Income Ratio [HERE].

In that post, I mentioned that consumer borrowing for a house was allowed to 45%.

So, why is it that a consumer who has a secured asset can only borrow up to 45% of its value, whereas companies can sometimes borrow up to twice its value?

The answer lies in the very fact that a consumer is “consuming” – i.e. using up or depleting resources – whereas a business is “producing” – i.e. generating valuable resources.

It’s axiomatic that without production there can not be any consumption.

And this is where we get to the most important point of all.

Is it the businesspersons who order the means of production so that we have goods and services to consume who is evil, or the person who sits around doing nothing which generates value while

“protesting” that businesses vacuously described as “the man” are evil?

It’s totally clear!

If you want to change the world. First, pull your own shit together and get out there and produce and do so to the point that you can help others to be productive too.

Focus on investing in yourself, no not beyond your ability to pay, but do invest in yourself to become more spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially fit.

This then will allow you to have the influence to do good in the world and instead of being a net consumer, you’ll be able to step up and be a net producer.

A producer that others are willing to invest in. Whether you decide to take on the debt to accelerate your growth, well if it is a true investment in yourself with a strong, definable return …

WHY NOT?

Time is a wasting. And it is time, not money, which is your most valuable resource!

—

Have a great Friday and weekend ahead. Tomorrow, my post is going to be about “rigidity in space.” Hope you will return to view it. Cheers!

 

 

 

What is the difference between a pound of muscle and a pound of fat? A lot. Take a look above.

The muscle is ordered and dense, the fat is sprawling and disorganized.

Both have their purposes, but the former is useful for activity, the later is useful as insulation and for reserves.

Unfortunately, most Americans are carrying around quite a lot of the later and not enough of former. That’s not good.

One pound of muscle will burn 50 calories per day at rest. The fat more or less just sits there.

So, to increase one’s metabolism we often recommended to add 10 pounds of evenly distributed muscle.

This will help tone people right up without them looking like an outlandish muscle builder.

And with respect to metabolism, then the daily calorie burn rate is increased by 500 calories.

Fascinatingly, over the course of a week, that means an extra 3.500 calories burned than someone who doesn’t have the muscle.

And what will that extra 3,500 calories a week burn? Amazingly, 3,500 calories just happens to be the same amount of calories in a pound of fat!

Now, here are two more key pieces of information to keep in mind.

The average person can lose about a pound of fat per week with proper exercise and nutrition until approaching a healthy weight.

But, the average person through specific exercise involving strength training will only add a pound of muscle each 4 – 6 weeks.

And this is exactly why we tend to see so many people who fall into the trap of a yo-yo diet.

Specifically, they work like hell to take the weight off, but it comes right back on as soon as they let up on what’s usually a very strict nutritional and aerobic exercise routine.

I’ve had this problem too. It’s the old hare v. tortoise competition.

Instead of being the equivalent of the hare sprinting to achieve fitness goals at an unsustainable diet and pace, slow it down a bit more to the pace of a tortise.

Add in a good amount of strength training and make sure to have plenty of protein in the foods you eat to allow the body to create more muscle.

Then your metabolism will help you do the work and what you will be carrying around isn’t going to be pounds of useless fat, but instead useful muscle.

It will make you look and feel great!

—

Sorry for the day late post on this one. Guess it’s better to catch up than miss altogether. Have a great Thursday, especially to my brother who has his birthday today.